Why Can’t We Have Some Real Sex?

“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus.. one of those two doesn’t sound right.” So said my favorite comedian… just before he succumbed to his (drug-based) disease.

So, in that light, how does “Hey, you’ve got no compassion, Goddamn it, George!” sound?

How ’bout “Goddamnit, Dick, stop being so greedy!”?

One could easily come up with a penis-based one for Clinton, and a “lying through your rabbit teeth’ bit for Carter, no doubt.

The out-of-control diseases which are infecting one and all all around us cannot be controlled by yelling out the obvious truth. The only way to go about disinfecting the planet, stopping our ecocidal momentum, reducing social injustice, etc. is to quietly remove the addicts from the playing field.

Drown them perhaps via abnormal channels (1). Something like that. Seriously.

But what’s happening now –what’s been happening for too long– is that our supposed best and brightest have been doing their version of attending an AA meeting, standing up and declaring that someone else is addicted.

And my readers have been yelling out their compatriots’ names in praise, remaining securely situated in their seats, fixed in their addictions…reading/memorizing/exchanging their talk. Part of their perfect program for being stepped on twelve times a day. Their Twelve-Step Program to Hell.

“Goddamnit, Lefty, why do you keep on maturbating? Why can’t we have some real sex?”

Footnote: (1) Via Sentería is something to explore perhaps, applicable aspects of which cannot be shored up here in public.

Richard Oxman, rmoxman@yahoo.com, is involved with words which have a shot in hell of walking over all the talk. Based in Los Gatos, California for the moment, his recent writing is at www.oxtogrind.org. Mitch Hedberg is the favorite comedian.